Dr. Boyce Watkins Gives 6 Ways To Raise A Sorry Azz Black Man
by Mike Love,posted Apr 21 2014 4:34PM
1) Never make him accountable: If he goes to jail, mortgage your house to pay for the attorney. If he gets fired from his fourth job in a row, of course it’s because he’s black. Anything that goes wrong in his life, explain to him why none of it is ever his fault. Make a long list of excuses for everything he does. If he gets in trouble at school, it’s the teacher’s fault. If he has an angry outburst and attacks someone, it’s because he had too much sugar. Remember: Nothing that he ever does wrong, to anyone, at any time, is ever his fault. Jesus will make him better eventually.
2) Allow him to be lazy: Clean his room for him, wash his clothes, don’t make him do any chores. Don’t make him work for anything….EVER. When he’s 32-years old, let him live in your basement and spend the day in his drawz smoking weed and playing Xbox. He’ll get that record deal eventually.
3) Don’t ever force him to manage his money: Buy him a lot of really expensive material possessions, like $250 Air Jordans and don’t make him work for any of that money. If he wrecks the new car you bought him, just buy him another one. Don’t talk to him about saving, investing or being a good provider. If he wants that 14th tattoo on his neck, go ahead and give it to him.
4) Congratulate him for being a “playa”: Let him treat his girlfriends like garbage without your saying a word. When he tells you that he got a fourth girl pregnant, just congratulate him and agree to watch the kids while his baby mama is at the club. When the third baby’s mama asks you about the other girls coming to the house, lie for him so as not to blow his cover. The world is his oyster, and he has a right to sow his oats without any semblance of responsibility. Oh yea, don’t forget to save money to pay his child support for him so he can be free to make more kids without the burden of those gold digging newborn babies.
5) Don’t make him get an education: If he brings home straight Ds on his report card, just remember that he’s the best player on the basketball team. Go buy him something nice to make him feel better, since those bad grades are going to hurt his self-esteem.
6) Coddle the living sh*t out of him: He’s your baby after all, even if he is 6’3”, 250-pounds. Never throw him out to the wolves, he won’t make it. Never force him to stand on his own two feet, he might break a toe nail. He doesn’t have to be a man for anybody, he’ll always be your baby. If his wife comes around and complains that he’s cheating on her, beating her, or not taking care of his kids, explain to her that he was your man from the very beginning, and he always will be. They should just leave your baby alone.